First blog post

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Rejection Sucks πŸ“

I’m somebody who’s not really used to rejection, but that has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve never really put myself in the position to be. No one likes rejection and there is so much of it in life, I need to learn how to handle it because how I handled it today wasn’t so good……..

So I applied to 3 places for university, and my third choice rejected me. I’m not devestated because it wasn’t my first choice, but it did make me feel really bad and scared about what my other choices might say. Now this kind of information I don’t want my grandparents to know. Why? You might ask, well because they aren’t nice people and they are just waiting for me to fuck up. This isn’t coming from a hateful teen who thinks the whole world is against them. Let’s give you a little insight into the kind of person my gran is. My gran abused my dad when he was a child, now my dad is a forgiving man, so things have been patched up between them, but he can never forget the years of abuse he endured and she hasn’t changed a whole lot. I won’t get into the specifics of the abuse because it’s horrific and not my story to tell. So anyway I only tell my parents, my dad wants me to stay home and he tells me that the other two probably won’t accept me anyway. My mum tells me I put myself down too much……That is irrelevant as I told her I was now scared and that was it. She had the cheek to bring up shit I didn’t even remember and told me I was dwelling on it, and before I knew it she was stood there having a go at me, and I honestly still don’t know why. Obviously I was worried and sad about the whole university thing, so I told her that what she was saying is irrelevant and unhelpful and I stormed out the room. My mum calls me back in the room about 15 minutes later and says come here all smiley faced and patronising, and she tries to give me a hug. I’m pissed at this point because she’s straight up laughing at me and my dad had just told me that I basically won’t go to university this year. I push my mums hand away from the back of my neck and she accidentally scratches me with her long ass nails. “Oh I’m sorry I scratched you” she says serious all of a sudden. But by then it was apparently too late because I snapped and told her to fuck off. Now I don’t swear or really fight that much with my parents, my mum is half Jamaican, you don’t swear at your Jamaican mother trust me. I can’t tell you how she reacted because I left the room to look at my bloody neck. Of course it was an accident and I feel so bad for swearing at her. I know I need to apologize because it was so disrespectful and awful, however the swearing is all I will be apologising for. Living with my grandparents is just the cherry on top of the cake for my irritating life. I need to leave this house, living with my grandparents is hell because some of the shit they say is out of this world awful. I think that’s why university is so important to me right now, it’s a way out, education is my only way out.πŸ“

NetflixπŸ“

Netflix, something so many of us can’t live without yet we did at one stage. I honestly don’t know how I would cope with no Netflix, and yes I do realize how sad I sound. Not that I am entirely impressed with Netflix’s current collection, it does have some hidden jems, old classics and AMAZING BINGE WORTHY SHOWS. There’s nothing worse than wanting to distract yourself from the ups and downs of life with Netflix and not actually finding anything to watch. So let me be of assistance, I like to think I can watch most genres so hopefully this list of films and shows will relate to most people.

So the types of films and shows I watch the most are the really cheesy, warm familyish shows. Well last year I stumbled across Gilmore Girls and it literally changed my life! Now I am aware that I am about 15/16 year a little late to the Gilmore Girls party, but in my defense the show stopped well before I was old enough to watch it, so because of that I am spreading the GG news to that younger generation. Gilmore Girls is about an ivy league bound daughter and her single mother who have a 16 year age gap, in this series you see the girls tackle friendship, family, relationships and crazy issues created by their town of colourful characters. There are 7 seasons altogether and when you’ve finished that Netflix has treated you to one last revival season with four episodes. The revival shows you what an up to date year in the life is like for these girls, with each episode being one season of the year. Now many people have mixed opinions on the revival show, and I agree that it isn’t the same as the original 7 seasons, however I am a sucker for nostalgia and it was lovely to see that characters now a lot older, reconnect and play those characters for the last time.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I’m going to recommend one show or movie from Netflix monthly as I’m nearly done with school and I’m busy. The thing about school is that they don’t just let you walk out with a diploma, no you have to work for it, so I have exams all over the place.

Don’t forget to follow my insta blogging4eva and enjoy the rest of your week. Goodbye hotties. πŸ“

New Year New Me?

Tonight is the night, the night where we all attempt to create a better version of ourselves for the year ahead. But is that completely necessary? People always feel the need to out do themselves and live a purer more successful life in the new year. We all do it, even if we tell everyone around us that nothing is going to change, we can’t help but say to ourselves this year will be better, I will do this and I won’t do that. We strive to become better and more exciting people when in reality if we wanted to be healthier or nicer or work harder we would have done it at the time it was most important. Maybe if we decide to make such positive changes we should let others decide what changes we should make. It’s so difficult to see what you are doing wrong in life most of the time.

I do however think it’s important that I make a few adjustments to my daily ablutions. Knowing I should have made these changes a long time ago I will put my best effort into keeping these resolutions. My 2017 has been fairly mixed just like I’m sure it has been for many others, so for the sake of dreaming dreams and holding out hope for the future I will do what everyone else does, I’m going to keep telling myself that things will change for the better and that tonight is time to have fun as I prepare to swat away my bad habits.

So let’s do this together glasses of champagne and resolutions at the ready…..

Hurricane ophelia

So I’m not at school today simply because some parts of Ireland are on red alert because of the weather. I mean it’s only the tail end of hurricane Ophelia but still it’s bad, I mean really bad. The army is being deployed our power is out we can’t do anything. I said to my parents when I woke up this morning I feel like I’ve woken up in a noghtmare, and to make matters worse for 20% of my art grade I have to email my teacher some of my photography, well with no internet that’s not going to happen, my Snapchat streaks will end oh life is such a disaster………Then again this hurricane has hit a lot of people a lot worse then it has hit us. There are some people in this world who could only imagine having problems as small as 20% of an art grade or loosing Snapchat streaks. I’m so lucky and I really need to think about how others feel. But the thing is it’s so easy to throw yourself a pity party. Well I’ve decided to stop feeling sorry for myself because you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

This was done so long ago just found and decided to post it.

The awkward stage

I feel like I’m in this really awkward stage now when it comes to telling my parents about boys. In the past they have never been strict about boys, but when I told them I was going to meet one this weekend they got really defensive. I make this mistake time and time again where I think “oh my parents are cool I can tell them anything”, that’s not true. I always think why do my friends keep their relationships private when it comes to their parents, now I get it. Honestly there’s nothing that stresses me out more than my parents, and I’m conflicted because while I can’t be bothered will the stress from my parents from developing a relationship with this person, I work my ass off at school and I never fight with my parents. I’m in my last year of school and I just feel like I deserve to have someone to take me to prom and spend valentines day with, and do mushy teenage relationship things with. The last time I was in a relationship it was about 2 years ago, so romance isn’t my main focus. I just can’t move forward with this person knowing that my parents aren’t comfortable or are just going to be defensive about it, they want too much input and it would just make me uncomfortable. I understand that parents worry but I’m not sure what to put first, how my parents feel or how I feel. 

Family

I remember being younger and thinking both sides of my family were perfect, that sadly isn’t the case for any family. Growing up is crappy because you start to learn the hard truth about the people you love. My grandparents had their annual anniversary party yesterday, which was fine because I love them and they’ve been married a long time. But these family parties bring out the worst in people, from a lot of the girls in the family you get a lot of jealousy. I’m not exaggerating when I say that a certain member of my family has cleaned something with someone’s toothbrush, out of pure jealousy. It drives me insane and actually scares me a bit. My family is famous for sweeping things under the rug, but we always end up tripping over the lumps. It’s easier to sweep that way people can forget and they never have to apologize, my family never apologize for anything. I’m not trying to hate on my family I love them, their just normal…….Well apart from the lady who messed with a family members toothbrush that’s weird. I love my family but I’m always analysing, like a few other females in my family judge other people so much, I mean like all the time, which is ok apart from the fact that their not perfect. I sit there listening to them wondering “who made them queen” like why do they consider themselves to be better. If one of you came to one of the family parties you would notice instantly who was a complete gossip, genuinely friendly, or just so insecure their waiting for you to make a bad move so you can be judged on it. You probably think I have the worst family, I’ll admit a lot of the family I’m not actually related to (like some of my uncle’s girlfriends) I don’t like much because they don’t tend to be very nice, but for the most part their just like every other family, crazy, loving and confused. 

Please let me know I’m not the only one with a crazy family!!!

An Introduction

Hello world! I’m sure anyone reading this has better things to do maybe, however I would very much appreciate it if you stayed for a bit longer. You see my life has changed a little, I’m in one of those places where 2 or 3 years ago I would never have guessed I would be here. On the 25th of June 2016 (5 days before my birthday) me and my family packed up from our home of 15 years and moved to Ireland to live with my dad’s side of the family. I still can’t put my finger on how I felt the day I moved, or even how I feel now. Me my mum, dad and sister live with my grandparents, the house is big enough so there’s no space issue, I just feel like my life is a little bit crazy. Anyway I’ve officially been living in Ireland for a year and I’m happy, I think. Well this is really what I wanted to find out, I’m going to adopt this whole just say yes motto, and really live life to the fullest, I’m 16 for goodness sake! So to any readers I’d really like to get to know you and vice versa.

Things you don’t know about me:

  1.  I eat almost everything, I love food and I think I’m the greediest person to ever walk the earth
  2. I actually like doing my hair, which is weird because I have really curly hair and doing pretty much anything to it takes me hours
  3. My best friend lives back in England, somehow we’re still really close but you still miss your friends especially when you live in a different country
  4. I’m very family oriented, we’re a very close knit family
  5. I have a German Shepard named Hiro and a black cat called Cleo (short for Cleopatra)
  6. I will happily leave the house in anything I’m comfortable in, the only opinions that matter are mine!
  7. I’m a proud femenist, which means I believe in equality, no sex is better or more capable than the other!